


Spoiler: They Do

by giselleslash



Category: Actor RPF, Captain America (Movies) RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Awkward Flirting, Blow Jobs, Chris is over their shit, Drunken Shenanigans, M/M, Mackie's got game, POV Outsider, RPF, Seb's actually the one with game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-25
Updated: 2016-05-25
Packaged: 2018-06-10 14:31:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6960835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/giselleslash/pseuds/giselleslash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Chris, and everyone else, has to suffer through the Stackie Show during the Civil War press tour. </p><p>Chris just really really wishes Seb would show Mackie his dick.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Spoiler: They Do

**Author's Note:**

> If you're looking for profound this is not your fic. If you're looking for ridiculousness on the Chocolachino/Vanilla Ice level then this is your fic. 
> 
> So basically I miss the gift that was the Civil War press tour and this is all super self-indulgent and for funsies. 
> 
> I also need to thank my twitter timeline for indulging me in my madness, specifically [Kajmere](http://archiveofourown.org/users/Kajmere/pseuds/Kajmere) who is my sister in Stackie.

Chris gets done with his interview and wanders toward the adjoining room where Seb and Mackie are doing theirs. He can hear laughter before he even opens the door and he rolls his eyes, he can only imagine what he’s going to hear once he opens it.

“...just crushing your Johnny.”

Oh good fucking Christ. Mackie.

Mackie’s grabbing his crotch, Seb’s laughing, and the interviewer is talking about his tight pants and Chris has no idea how the two of them end up here. What on fucking earth are they even talking about?

He watches as they finish up, surprised that after Mackie waxed poetic about his crushed dick Seb hadn’t mentioned lube. Chris knows for fucking certain that there was a lost bet in there somewhere because while Seb does love to play the lube card - it always gets Mackie going - he’s mentioned it way more than he needs to during this press go around. 

Part of Chris wishes he could be with the two of them during interviews, going solo is boring as hell, but he knows he’d get in so much fucking trouble if he was. He’d probably get a call from his mother and nobody fucking wants that. Damn.

Once the interviewer leaves Seb and Mackie shout out, ‘heys’ at him as they get up out of their chairs and head over to him. Seb’s in the lead with Mackie behind him, hands on Seb’s shoulders and pushing him along. Chris is not at all surprised, if Mackie is within touching distance of Seb he can’t keep his hands off of him, he’s got to poke and nudge and grab and Seb just sits there calm as a little fucking Buddha and lets him do it. Everyone gives Mackie crap for it but it doesn’t stop him.

Seb grabs Chris by the arm and starts dragging him along with him as Mackie keeps pushing him.

“We’re going to get drunk. Your presence is required,” he says.

Well. Chris ain’t arguing with that.

“Hey, by the way, thanks so fucking much to the both of you for saying I’d be the one to wake up on a beach and not know how I got there. My mother saw that!”

Mackie lets go of Seb for a second to hold up his hands. “Listen, man, it ain’t my job to tell lies. Your ma is better off knowing the truth.”

Seb just laughs. Really fucking helpful.

“Fuck you both.”

Seb grins and Mackie laughs and puts his right hand back on Seb, only this time it settles on the back of Seb’s neck instead of his shoulder. 

Of course.

Lizzie, Paul, and Renner join them at the bar and everything descends into chaos after that. Renner can pound them back like nobody’s business, but Lizzie is no slouch either and between the two of them they force Chris and Anthony to get just as wasted. Paul stops halfway through but is somehow always passing over a new drink to everyone and Seb, well, he does his typical Seb thing. He always manages to have a drink in hand but no one ever knows if it’s his first or his fifth and all he has to do is look at Mackie to get him to do whatever the fuck he wants and if Mackie does it then the whole table is doing it at the risk of being badgered into the fucking ground by Mackie blabble and over-enthusiasm. 

So basically Seb’s the fucking ringmaster and no one even realizes it aside from Chris because the little shit just looks innocent as hell all the damn time and never ever gets caught. Seb’s got everyone fooled; sweetest goddamn kid in the whole entire world, but a devious little motherfucker too. 

Chris looks over and Seb catches him, gives him a little raised eyebrow and Chris knows he’s found out but fuck if he’s going to say anything. It’s too goddamn much fun watching Seb lead Mackie around by the fucking balls. 

Chris just hopes Mackie figures it out at some point because the whole pulling pigtails thing is really fucking lame when Mackie’s always claiming he’s got serious game. 

Spoiler: he doesn’t.

He’s got cow eyes for Seb and a pair of blue balls.

And a mouth that’s constantly overcompensating. 

The whole thing is beautiful to watch. 

Of course it all ends in Chris, Paul, and Seb having to help the rest of them back to their rooms. Renner and Lizzie are fine with Paul leading them by the hand but it takes Chris on one side and Seb on the other to get Mackie walking straight. The entire time his mouth is going, Chris is actually impressed by his vocabulary mastery when drunk. 

Although a lot of it is just Mackie shouting at Chris to look into Seb’s eyes, and Chris loves Seb, but not the way Mackie loves Seb, so he spends most of the walk back convincing Mackie he has indeed looked into Seb’s magic eyes. 

Spoiler: he hasn’t.

Seb keeps giving Mackie his bottle of water in an effort to sober him up and Mackie acts like it’s a fucking gift from Jesus in the desert so Chris isn’t going to tell him that he’s pretty sure Seb just picked it up from a random table on their way out the door. 

Some things are better left unknown.

They’re a few blocks from their hotel; Paul, Renner, and Lizzie are way way ahead of them and are probably all snug up in their beds by now because Chris doubts any of them had to stop under a streetlight and tell Seb his face was criminal. Fucking Mackie. At this point Mackie’s let go of Chris entirely and is just hugging Seb’s waist like he’s his favorite fucking tree, and Seb’s laughing at him like it’s charming.

Spoiler: it isn’t.

And Chris has no fucking idea how this is his life right now. 

“Hey, Seb,” Chris says over Mackie’s head. “Are you at any point going to just let Mackie see your dick because it’d be really nice for the rest of us if you did.”

Seb laughs and just smiles at him, like that’s a fucking answer.

“No, I’m serious.”

“What makes you think he hasn’t already?”

Chris stops walking and looks at the two of them. Wait. No. No way. They haven’t. They totally haven’t.

“You totally haven’t.”

“I might have.”

“You didn’t though, he wouldn’t be all _this_ if you had,” Chris says as he circles his finger above Mackie’s head.

“All what?” Seb asks.

“Pathetic and lovelorn.”

“Aww, I think it’s cute.”

“You would,” Chris mutters at the same time Mackie mumbles, “ _You’re_ cute.” into Seb’s jacket.

Smooth, Mackie.

“His game goes down the fucking hill when he’s drunk, doesn’t it?” Chris says.

“Oh, he never had game to begin with,” Seb says drily and Chris busts out laughing. He’s watched Seb sit through minutes long rants from Mackie about his skills, nodding along like he agrees, like he’s learning from the master. 

Ha.

Mackie should be bowing down to Seb, the true master of the pull.

Well, he should bow down but totally later, much later, when Chris is nowhere near the two of them. Like not within sight _or_ hearing distance. Chris doesn’t need that trauma in his life. 

They’re waiting for a light to change so they can cross the street, although Chris has no idea why, there’s not a fucking moving car to be seen, and Mackie looks like he’s fallen asleep slumped against Seb’s chest with his hands in Seb’s back pockets. 

Christ.

Chris takes out his phone and starts recording. Mackie will deny the shit outta this if there’s not evidence. 

“Are you recording my ass, Kiwi?” Seb asks.

“I’m documenting this shit for science.”

“Fine, fiiine ass,” Mackie mumbles and oh my fucking shit, Chris is filming just as he squeezes Seb’s ass with both hands. This video is being sent to everyone in his contact list. 

“Well done, Mackie. He’s yours now for sure,” Chris tells him, and laughs when Mackie wakes himself up enough to stand up straight and pull one of his hands out of Seb’s pocket to high-five him.

Such a loser.

“So this is all cute to you?” he asks Seb. “This is actually going to work?”

Seb shrugs. “Yeah. Probably.”

“Pretty sure Mackie will be thrilled with your enthusiasm.”

Seb laughs and Chris has to grin at him because there’s just enough light to tell he’s blushing and there’s nothing cuter than Seb blushing. He gets all smiley and sweet and Chris knows he may joke and give Mackie so much fucking shit, like unbelievable levels of shit, really, first-class shit-giving, but in the end Seb’s just as stupidly sweet on Mackie as he is on him and Chris is pretty sure once Seb puts Mackie out of his misery he’ll want to take a picture of the two of them, prom style. 

They’re just that fucking ridiculous.

Between the two of them they get Mackie tucked into bed with a glass of water at his bedside. Of course not without at least ten or eleven really fucking smooth innuendos centered around Seb’s pretty mouth.

And his dick.

And his blue blue eyes.

Did Mackie mention they were blue?

Spoiler: he has. Repeatedly.

None of them very good innuendos, or really innuendos at all since they were just Mackie flat out saying shit about Seb’s various body parts and exactly what he wanted to do to them. In gory, horrific detail.

Well, at least Seb can look forward to really inventive and enthusiastic dirty talk when they finally fuck. 

Chris ends up walking Seb back to his room because it’s on the way back to his own. Before he closes the door Chris makes sure to slip in one final plea.

“Seriously, Seb, just show him your dick. Just a peek.”

“So you’re saying just the tip,” Seb says before Chris can get there and goddamn the little shit. Seb knows he beat him to it and he laughs as the door closes in Chris’s face.

“Dammit dude. For the good of us all,” Chris says to the door and he hears a faint, ‘maybe’ come from the other side.

Spoiler: Seb’s an asshole.

So fast forward three days and Chris doesn’t even know what country they’re in but he damn well fucking knows he’ll never see its beauty or majesty since he’s going to have to bleach his fucking eyeballs out of his damn head. 

Of course it’s his own fault for thinking he could take a minute for himself and walk into an unlocked backroom right before a fucking screening and not see Seb on his knees blowing Mackie like there’s no tomorrow.

“Goddammit. Fuck you both,” he says as he slams the door on them and stomps back down the hall to where the sane people are. 

And of fucking course when they’re called onstage Seb is cool as the proverbial motherfucking cucumber and Mackie doesn’t say shit so when they all sit down it’s up to Chris to answer Lizzie’s questions.

“What the hell’s up with Mackie?” she asks as she nods at him, sitting all quietly and un-Mackie-like. “Someone medicate him or what?”

“No,” Chris says in a huff, “Seb just blew him in the backroom. Apparently he sucked all the fun out of him through his dick.”

And he probably said that just a little bit too loudly because everything gets really quiet around them for a split second before Seb bursts out laughing, along with Lizzie, while Renner says something about it making sense, and Mackie says he told Chris, he told Chris Seb had a pretty mouth and Chris gives up because they can both fuck themselves. Or each other. Whatever. They can leave Chris the hell alone and go fuck each other.

Spoiler: they do.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on [tumblr](http://gigi-gigi.tumblr.com/) where I cry over Sebastian Stan/Bucky Barnes.


End file.
